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400 Fresh Clean Jokes For Everyone FFMPEG Quick Hacks

Humour

Here is a collection of my favorite jokes. Most of them are what I had heard or improved up on. There is wit and wisdom up here; many humorous anecdotes and quotes; and a whole of bevy of others that simply defy description. I do not claim any copyright on these jokes.

Indian Humour (Jokes On Indians)

I will begin with India because Mera Bharath Mahan!

Russians and Indians

President Kosygin of the Soviet Union came to India. Indian officials took him on a sightseeing tour. When he came back, he was asked about his opinion about the country. The President complained about the "shining bottoms" he saw everywhere that he went. When Indians went to the Soviet Union they were traveling in a train with Kosgyin. They saw a "shining bottom" next to the tracks and promptly brought it to the attention of the President. The Soviet President immediately ordered his officials to catch that offending person. Sometime later, one of them approached Kosygin and whispered something in his ear. He said, "We caught that guy but he is claiming diplomatic immunity. He is the Indian ambassador."

Billet-Doux

A man wrote this letter to his objets d'affection.

Darling,

Most worthy of your estimation after a long consideration and much meditation, I have a strong inclination to become your relation.

As for my education and qualification it is not exaggeration or fabrication that I have passed matriculation with very little preparation. What do you say to the solemnisation of our marriage celebration according to the regulations, to the glorification of the modern civilization and with a view to the expansion of the population of the present generation.

On your approbation of this application I shall make preparation to improve my situation and if such obligation is worthy of commiseration it will be the augmentation of joy and exaltation of our joint dissimulation.

Thanking you in anticipation.

I remain a victim of your fascination.

To which, she replied:

Dear Mr. Victim,

Congratulations for your lengthy narration, of course, with full affection aimed at an application for a combination, which on examination I find it a fine presentation of your affirmation. But your inclination to become my relation should embrace more so that you may reach a high position.

You have passed the matriculation with little preparation. What about my graduation after a long botheration. So, improve your situation in education and make an application by acquisition of post graduation, the minimum qualification for consideration of marriage celebration. After your education attend the convocation and before taking your photo undergo beautification.

Further strict observation of the following condition is the regulation for the determination of our relation: consultation with my parents before approaching for any correction, communication of the confirmation that you are not a victim of any other fascination, and that procreation must not be your recreation.

In anticipation of solid action instead of continuation of paper conversation.

I remain unaffected by your attraction.

Why was Gandhi bald?

Well, Gandhi was doing தவம் (tapas) and God took his sweet time showing up. By the time God made his appearance, Gandhi was in a foul mood. God asked, "Son, what do you want?" Gandhi replied, "எனக்கு ஒரு மயிரும் வேணா!"

Gandhi's reply is in Tamil. Your OS and browser needs to have support for Tamil (Indic languages) for you to read the Tamil text. Try installing a font such as TAMu_Kadambri.ttf or Latha.ttf. If you do not know Tamil, then just don't bother. You will never get it, as the humour will be lost in translation.

American Humour (Jokes On Americans)

Will the guy who wants to be "one among many" stand up?

U.S. Continues Proud Tradition Of Diversity On Frontlines

CAMP COYOTE, KUWAIT: With blacks and Hispanics comprising more than 60 percent of the Army's ground forces in Iraq, the U.S. military is continuing its long, proud tradition of multiculturalism on the frontlines of war. "Though racism and discrimination remain problems in society at large, in the military, especially in the lower ranks where you find the cannon fodder, a spirit of inclusiveness has prevailed for decades," Gen. Jim White said Monday. "When it comes to having your head blown off by enemy fire, America is truly colorblind." - From TheOnion.com.

An Obama Joke

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel "pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land."

Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the promised land."

Now Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels, and mortgaged the promised land!

Furthermore, I was so depressed last night thinking about health care plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, diminished savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called Lifeline, the suicide help line. Got a call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Quotations

Tech Humour

Knock Knock Joke On Java

Knock! Knock!
"Who's there?"
(… a very long pause)
"Java."