Strange Search Requests

Some years ago, I had a web log called Moral Volcano. No, I was not one of those fools who maintained an online diary. Moral Volcano was a bunch of articles on current affairs - stuff that become stale over time. (On www.vsubhash.com, I published articles that had a longer shelf life.)

The original Moral Volcano was never successful. When the Times Of India carried a rumour about a fake sex video of Mallika Sherawat (Mexican national Lolly) and Google wrongly linked to my site (I had quoted Ms. Sherawat in the Humour page), there was a brief spke in traffic. Otherwise, traffic stayed below 50 per day.

The web log did however attract attention from unexpected quarters. My articles on the illegal U.S. invasion of Iraq and the photo of Rumsfeld shaking Saddam's hand brought in some discreet attention from the U.S. media, who were probably tipped off by their readers. Then, there was my archive of the English web page of CIA's Iraqi Rewards Program, which I hosted after CIA pulled it from their website. PC Magazine columnist John C. Dvorak slammed Moral Volcano in his personal blog, designating it as "anti-american." Even after I discontinued the web log, it continues to feed people's imagination. In 2009, there was an episode of the The Daily Show With Jon Stewart, where they lifted words from my "Website unsafe for children and pregnant women" warning/tagline of the Moral Volcano. So, it was not a complete flop.

But, what made it worthwhile was the insight I got by studying visitor behaviour - thanks to the referrer logs. It was highly educational and it was fun.

Occassionally, I picked some odd candidates from the referrer logs and published them under posts titled Strange Search Requests. One this page, I have picked some of the strangest of the strange search requests.

WARNING: Some of the searches are sex or pörn-related. If you are a squemish type, avoid reading any further.

can i surf porn at home on bsnl: No.
[04/01/2006] - wife does not want sex, what are my options: Have you considered suicide?
[08/01/2006] - how to become a porn actress: Sexual harrassment will be part and parcel of your job. Is that okay?
[08/01/2006] - eat my wife: Doctor told me to avoid fatty foods.
[27/05/06] - how many men must a girl go to bed with before she would be considered promiscous: It is always women who are worried about or are accused of being promiscuous. Men have no problem spreading their DNA.
[07/09/2006] - pregnancy will occur by lip kissing?: Yes.
[16/09/2005] - mallika sherawat complete reference: There can be no doubts about who did this search - an Indian programmer.
[27/09/2005] - Does Sonia gandhi reply to her e-mails?: Not if it is in an Indian language.
[02/12/2005] - snakes put in vagina: Must be a really serious rat problem.
[12/08/2005] - how do i make my wife have sex: Have you tried giving her your credit card?
[13/08/2005] - do my wife: You want someone to fill in for you?
[18/08/2005] - "moral volcano" is a stupid head: It's Moral Volcano. You forgot to capitlise the words.
[09/07/2005] - Moral Volcano, blog: Hey media junkies, Moral Volcano is way too overrated. The Unique Visitors count for Saturday was 22. (Referrer logs indicate this search was performed by someone from The Washington Post.)
[11/04/2005] - "moral volcano": Strangely, almost all "moral volcano" searches are from news organisations. Whatever brought them here has been a mystery so far. Moral Volcano is by no means a popular blog. Its daily traffic rarely exceeds 50. Dumb girls ruminating about depression or UTI get more visitors.
[13/1/2005] - research on pennis development in pakistan: Is the Indian defence establishment prepared for this kind of threat?!!!
[19/1/2005] - saakashvili viagra london: Referrer logs indicate that this search was done by someone at the Food & Agriculture Organization of the United Nations. Did the US government arrange a sex party for the Georgian President?
[25/01/2005] - osama guest böök 2005: Osama, baby, if you are reading this, please...
[29/01/2005] - malayalam_sexy_ladies: The underscore characters prove that the search was done by a Malayali programmer.
[13/02/2005] - i want my wife to have sex with another man: Tommorrow is Valentine's Day. Is that a gift idea?
benazir bhutto college boyfriend: Referrer logs indicate that this search was done by someone at Credit Suisse Asset Management. Swiss bankers are known to do a thorough job.
does aishwarya rai has an èmail address with msn messenger if so what is it: As search engines get smarter, people get dumber.
free stories of india's naughty housewives: I hope it wasn't Santa who did this search.
kuldip nayyar 2004 pakistan october: American State Department officials checking to see if Mr. Nayyar has finished his assignments.

Footnotes

www.vsubhash.com was initially known as Virtual V. Subhash. The blog was officially closed in 2007. In January 2010, I redesigned www.vsubhash.com and renamed it as the Moral Volcano.
I used the BlogPatrol service for looking up the reverse DNS names of visitor IP address. The screenshots shown above were from the stats provided by BlogPatrol.
There was another Moral Volcano blog - a pretend newspaper. It was maintained by a newspaper graphic designer. Although he was a talented designer, I do not think the above searches were related to him. I contacted this guy for a logo for my Moral Volcano. I had a hunch on what his real identity was. I sent him a mail and he denied he was working for the newspaper that I mentioned in the e-mail. He clicked on a link to my blog in the mail and my referrer logs showed he had used the Internet connection from the same newspaper all right.

Moral Volcano is the work of an Indian, thinker, astrologer, software programmer, GNU/Linux user, web designer, technical writer, lexicographer, hacker, gamer, pioneer IE Blocker, amateur photographer, and somewhat podcast transcriptionist. named V. Subhash (Me). I have written a fake American Policy for Dummies book. My e-book How To Invest In Stocks PDF eBook is free but not fake. So, I my PDF eBook version of Ambrose Bierce's Devil's Dictionary, which was created using the all-text original provided by the Guttenberg project and a free software HTMLDoc.

I do not have any time for social notworking sites such as Facebook. They cause a huge loss of productivity in offices where employees have access to Internet. I had a Johnny Bravo fan site but that was gone when Yahoo closed Geocities. Sites such as Facebook, Linked-In, MySpace, Orkut, and Twitter thrive only because spies and marketers feel there is a great need for easy access to demographic and personal information. "Free" pretends to be free for a reason. Otherwise, everything comes with a price tag.

Finally, this website blocks Internet Explorer - all versions, not just IE6. This is the first website on the Internet to do so. If you have a website, I welcome you to do so.