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Animation of photos of '400 Fresh Clean Jokes For Everyone'

Welcome to - the online home of writer, programmer, illustrator, cartoonist and humourist by the name V. Subhash. (I have just one name - Subhash. V is only an initial.) I have authored seven books and published a lot of software (desktop and mobile). I have written a ton of articles on a variety of topics. You can find them all here. Feel free to subscribe to my RSS feeds to get notified of updates to this site and my new books. You can also use my free Subhash Browser app (Android), which has a built-in RSS reader and includes my RSS feeds by default.

ATTENTION INDIAN PUBLISHERS: My books are not available in India because they are too expensive to import from USA. If you are an Indian publisher interested in printing and selling them in India, I can send you a proof copy for free. Alternatively, you can use a business account with Amazon to obtain special pricing, bulk discounts and free shipping when sourcing the copies.

ATTENTION READERS: If you have bought my paperbacks, please email me some photos. Before the lockdown, paperbacks could be bought from India. Now, they have to be imported. The import duties and levies are more than cost of the book. For this reason, I do not want to buy my paperbacks now but I am curious how they look. You can also post the photos to @SubhashBrowser on Twitter.

A Really Traditional Alphabet Book

Covers of A Really Traditional Alphabet Book

This children's book bundles an alphabet reading book, alphabet writing workbook, a joke book and a puzzles book. The alphabet book uses the same words that have been traditionally used to teach young kids. Young preschoolers can practice reading and writing the English alphabet with this book. The jokes and puzzles are of course new and are sourced from my book 2020 Fresh Clean Jokes For Kids.

‘Vaastu Shasthra Explained’ book

Book cover of 'Vastu Shastra Explained'

Vastu Shastra Explained is a plain-English Vástu Śastra building-architecture guide for those who wish to draw their own Vastu-compliant house plans. This 32-page book is available as a Kindle ebook and paperback.

This book:

‘Learn To Ride A Motorcycle In Five Minutes’ book

Book cover of 'Learn To Ride A Motorcycle'

Of course, you can learn to ride a motorbike in five minutes! For most of my life, I did not know how to ride a motorbike. But, when I had to do, it took me only five minutes. On my first ride on my first bike, I travelled nearly 100 kilometres, across two cities and one national highway.

If you already know how to ride a motorized two-wheeler such as a scooter, then you know how to ride a motorcycle. Believe me. What you do not have is the mechanical knowledge of how a motorcycle has to be operated. This book will teach you that in an hour or less. Acquiring the skill takes less than five minutes and honing it will require a few weeks of practice.

This title is available as an ebook and a paperback.

‘CommonMark Ready Reference’ book

Book cover

Incidentally, this is the first book ever written by anyone about CommonMark, the new MarkDown standard. On offer are:

‘FFMPEG Quick Hacks’ book

Book cover

Quickly learn to use the free command-line video-editing utility FFMPEG - cut, copy, record, edit, tag, convert, rotate, flip, resize, crop, combine, compose, blur, sharpen, smoothen, side-by-side split, PIP inset, fade in/out... Also learn to use subtitles, audio/image files and metadata with video.

This title is available as a full-colour paperback and ebook. Several videos referred in the book can be viewed here.

‘2020 Fresh Clean Jokes For Kids/Everyone’ books

At over 3100 jokes, this will be the second biggest jokebook. It will be published on July 20th. Initially, the full paperback will be priced at $9 while the kids version with 2200 jokes will be priced at $7. All jokes are child-friendly and family friendly.

The 2020 Fresh Clean Jokes For Everyone has three parts:

These books are available only as paperbacks.

NetCheck for Android/Linux/Mac/Windows

NetCheck provides audio and popup/status bar notifications when Internet link drops or re-connects. The mobile version supports Android v1.6 (Donut) to v8 (Oreo). The desktop version is a Java software and works in GNU/Linux, Mac and Windows. Both versions are free for personal and commercial use.

Netcheck screenshot

Both types of notifications can be disabled. The icon picture alone can be used as a unobtrusive indicator.

Thunderbird/Seamonkey Tips and Tricks

Learn to use and store email messages offline with Thunderbird/Seamonkey. Also, learn about their other talents as RSS feed reader, NNTP newsgroup reader, IRC client, etc.

Creating animations using Gimp

In an older article, I described how to create cartoons using Inkscape. In this article, you can go further and learn how to create animated cartoons using both Inkscape and GIMP. The output for these animations will be the popular and Web-friendly GIF format.

How to draw caricatures using Inkscape

Inkscape is a great open source tool for drawing cartoons. In this article, you can learn how to use it for creating simple caricatures.

Vintage Radio Shows

Old radio shows from the 1930s and 40s are being hosted as free MP3 files by the Internet Archive. Among them are old sitcoms that are as funny and entertaining as Friends or Seinfeld.

Cool Gnome Terminal Tips and Tricks

bash is an interactive and scripting shell program for Unix and Unix-like operating systems. In this article, you will learn a few neat tricks that will make bash a more convenient and useful tool to manage your GNU/Linux system.

Cool FFMPEG Tips and Tricks

Learn about FFMPEG and its command-line usage - to convert audio and video files, fix errors, rotate videos, cut a part of a video, append one video to another, perform 2-pass encoding for better video quality. You can also learn to automate audio/video tasks in your file manager using Nautilus Action Configurations or Caja Actions.

How to run Android without Google

If you are dependent on Google Apps or if you need to regularly pull email and social networking status updates, then this article is not for you. If however you would like to benefit from improved battery life, the satisfaction of causing less global warming, and maybe some more peace of mind, well... read on.

CellTowerTracker app for Android!

CellTowerTracker identifies locations by cell towers. It does not require GPS, wireless or mobile data connections. It can provide ringtone-based alerts even when phone is locked.

Subhash SiteChecker app for Android

A free website-monitoring app with automatic e-mail option. Works with Android 1.6 and above.

EmailTweetor app for Android/Linux/Mac/Windows

EmailTweetor is a free Twitter client that is available in two versions - Android APK and Java JAR. The Java version can be used on GNU/Linux, Mac and Windows. EmailTweetor, like any other Twitter client, can tweet with text and images. It can break up long messages into multiple tweets and string them up as replies to one another. It can also delete, favorite, re-tweet and reply tweets. In Android, it can forward the same content to email, blogging and other "sharing" apps without the need for re-typing. In the Java version, it does not do any emailing or sharing; just tweeting, replying, retweeting, favoriting and deleting. But, it can be used in used in automation tasks such as shell scripts and software programs.

EmailTweetor for Desktop screenshot

Subhash Comic Viewer for Android

This is a very simple app for extracting Comic Book Archives (in CBR and CBZ formats). It can also be used extract ZIP and RAR files a.k.a. file archives or compressed folders. When you open a CBZ/CBR/ZIP/RAR file with the app, the will create a simple webpage with the images in the archive. You can view this web page in any browser app of your choice.

AndroidWithoutStupid Java Library!

Android programming is extremely awkward. The designers of the SDK have left a lot of internal plumbing code open that requires developers' attention. The simplest of tasks take several lines of code.

AndroidWithoutStupid is an open-source public-domain Java library is a solution to such woes. It provides one-line function alternatives to the spaghetti code that is the bane of Android Java programming.

சுபாஷ் வலை Tamil browser app for Android

வலைதளங்கள் (websites) மற்றும் செய்தித் தொடர்களை (RSS feeds) படிக்க, இந்த விளம்பரமில்லா இலவச எடுபிடியை பயன்படுத்தலாம்.

സുഭാഷ് വല Malayalam browser app for Android

This Android app is the Malayalam version of Subhash Browser & Feed Reader. It combines a Web browser, RSS/ATOM feed reader, file browser and app launcher.

Subhash TweetsToRSS for Android/Linux/Mac/Windows

TweetsToRSS is a read-only Twitter server and a lightweight web server that runs on Android, Linux, Mac or Windows. It lets you browse through Twitter (without posting anything) and generate RSS feeds for Twitter user timelines, hashtags, and searches. It works in the background fetching tweets from and serving RSS to your feedreader apps and desktop feedreader clients and browser extensions.

TweetsToRSS animation

Windows 8 Tips and Tricks

I thought I would never have to write this article. A few years back, I had moved to Ubuntu and Gnome 2 desktop. I am still quite happy with it. Each time I installed Windows 8 though, I had to perform the same tweaks all over again. Hence, I have created this article where I can find it all in one place.

Subhash Browser app for Android

Subhash Browser is an Android web browser app with an integrated RSS reader, file explorer and download manager. It is the ultimate browser and feed reader app for both ordinary users and Web developers. No other browser has so many functions as it does - user-friendly toolbar, web page screenshots, four scroll buttons, browser disguise options, developer support for User JS (bookmarklets) and User CSS. The integrated RSS feed reader makes it very easy to read articles/posts/comments from multiple websites on one single screen. The app is extremely user-friendly and customizable. It supports all Android versions from Donut (1.6) to the latest Pie (9). The app uses a dark theme to limit battery usage and eye strain. It also has integrated file manager and download manager.

Subhash Browser animation

Its user interface is available in English, Malayalam, Tamizh, Hindi, Kannada and Urdu. Despite providing so many features, it uses only three app permissions, unlike other apps that take several pages of permissions.

Animation of Subhash Browser UI

Support The Arts… Our Arts… Traditional Indian Arts

When I was in school, cultural programmes meant Bharatanatyam performances or Carnatic music recitals or folk dances. Today, teachers are so talentless that the only time they come close to arts is when they watch TV. It is no wonder that kids are dancing to film music at school functions. Parents do not demand better things from the schools because the rash of reality TV programmes on TV has numbed their brains so much that they are bereft of any intelligence and don't know what is best for their kids. Films and television are truly the bane of human civilization.

Subhash File/Folder Copy Path/Name Context Menu Extensions for Windows Explorer

Subhash File/Folder Copy Path Explorer Extensions are extra Windows Explorer menu options that allow you to easily copy the path or the name of a selected file or folder.

Really Ultimate Browser JavaScript Benchmark

In 2010, it seemed that all Javascript benchmarks were queered in favour of dumb JavaScript engines whose speed could not be matched by their associated HTML-rendering engines. It was like a car hose backwheels were powered by a rocket engine and the front wheels were made of twigs. The state of affairs seems to have improved since that time.

Kolaveri Di Hoax Demystified

Is Kolaveri Di better than Roja or Mungaru Male or even Shakalakka Baby? So, why is this unlikely candidate considered a hit with the masses?

Save Kashmir

Addressing the British Prime Minister, Ambedkar said, "Prime minister, permit me to make one thing clear. The depressed classes are not anxious, they are not clamorous, they have not started any movement for claiming that there shall be an immediate transfer of power from the British to the Indian people… Their position, to put it plainly, is that we are not anxious for transfer of power from the British to the Indian people."

Undead Myths In The Wake Of iDead Steve Jobs

In the age of push-button publishing and social networking, people seem to have become de-humanised, not knowing what their true emotions are. This became very clear recently in the wake of Apple co-founder Steve Jobs' demise. Condolence messages ranged from "hagiographic" to "outright lame." Nobody seemed to have put an effort. There was no honesty nor any genuine feeling.

Surefire Cures For Common Cold

At the very outset, I would like to state that I am not a doctor. But common cold is not something you need to go to a doctor for. It is just that cold infections come and go. You do not have to CURE it!

‘Email Newsletter Strategies For Profit’ book

Book cover of 'Email Newsletter Strategies for Profit'

Most e-mail newsletters are never read. Some subscribers unsubscribe almost immediately after receiving the first e-mail. Some others would not even try the unsubscribe link. They will simply mark the e-mail as "junk."

What prompts this lost love? Usually, people blame quality of content. Usability is given scant attention.

In this book, not only do I explain how to create user-friendly email newsletters but also help you improve email deliverability, organically grow your mailing list, understand industry-standard best-practices and apply practical troubleshooting tips and tricks.

Traditional English Nursery Rhymes

In this page, you will find text and videos of English nursery rhymes that kindergarten kids in India learn. Illustrations are from the books Our Old Nursery Rhymes (1911) and Denslow's Mother Goose (1901).

ClickToType Online Malayalam Keyboard

കംപ്യൂട്ടറില്‍ മലയാളത്തില്‍ ടൈപ്പ് ചെയ്യുന്നതിന് ഈ പേജ് ഉപയോഗിക്കാം. ടൈപ്പ് ചെയ്തത് ഈ-മെയില്‍ അയക്കാനും കഴിയും.

Hot Pudina Rice Recipe

When I created this dish, I intended it to meet two criteria. It had to be (1) very easy to prepare and (2) second-to-none in terms of nutrition, taste and aroma.

V. Subhash’s VBScript Add-Ons for Microsoft BgInfo

Mark Russinovich's BgInfo is a Microsoft utility that can be set up to display computer configuration details, such as hardware information, on the Windows desktop background (wallpaper). In this page, I am offering you some unofficial add-ons that make BgInfo more useful - particularly in offices where employees are asked to provide their system configuration details to system administrators.

Pearls of Purandara

If you are looking for fine rendering of Purandaradasa kritis, then Dr. M. Balamuralikrishna and Kalavathy Avadhooth should definitely be on your list.

ClickToType Online Tamil Keyboard

Online tool for typing in both English and Tamizh.

கணிப்பொறியில் தமிழ் வரிகளை எளிதாக அடிக்க இந்த கருவியை நீங்கள் பயன்படுத்தலாம். அடித்த வரிகளை அப்படியே ஒரு ஈ-தகவலாகவும் அனுப்பலாம்.

How To Lose Weight Naturally

The West consumes a lot of oil. In the wide world, this consumption produces a lot air pollution and cancer. At the refinery, it also leaves behind a lot of petrochemicals. Oil companies have found a way to get rid of this - by producing plastics, detergents, and fertilizers as petroleum by-products. Plastics and detergents move fast but not fertilizers. Though not all crops need fertilizers, there are a few that cannot grow without fertilizers. A good example is corn - low in nutrition but requires huge amounts of fertilizers to grow. The demand for corn was low, that is, until fast food came along. Even that did not lift all the fertilizers. (Oil consumption was also increasing.) Then, came the obesity epidemic that (some people think) was triggered by foods made from GMO genetically-modified organisms). So, return to good-old food practices that has helped humans survive millennia.

Boycott Internet Explorer

This website started boycotting IE and urging Web users to switch to a better browser before it became cool to do so. Here is the pitch archived from 2009:

"I am tired of Internet Explorer's (IE's) bad behavior. I will not have any more of its nonsense. My website will boycott IE. If your computer operating system (OS) is Windows, then please use a standards-compliant browser such as Opera, Firefox, Safari, Chrome, or K-Meleon to browse this site."

Really Ultimate CSS Font Stack

The Really Universal CSS Font Stack is a basic stylesheet for Web designers to provide native font support for their web pages in almost all popular operating systems including Linux, Mac, and Windows.

Legal Terms and Conditions

The Internet is about freedom and sharing. Greedy corporates have taken the enforcement of intellectual property rights to a ridiculous extent. They pay politicians (legally and illegally) and create laws that leave the citizen little or no rights. It is easy to show them the absurdity of their audacious attempts at infringing our rights. If you are a webmaster, feel free to use these terms and conditions on your website. No attribution is necessary.

Ubuntu & Gnome Diary

When you move from Windows to Linux, there will be some transition issues. This article is a compendium of issues that came up when I began using Ubuntu 8.10 a.k.a Intrepid Ibex and later went on to Ubuntu 9.04 a.k.a. Jaunty Jackalope, and how I went on to solve those issues.

Really Ultimate Client-Sniffer JavaScript

Client sniffing is supposed to be taboo. Websites are supposed to do feature detection and proceed from there. However, any good web designer will tell you that all big websites start with reading your browser's UA string. This website does not read the UA string to serve web pages. It does however read them to make the site logs more meaningful. My client-sniffer Javascript script detects mobile phones, old PDAs, mobile-phone OSes, mobile-phone browsers, game consoles, Internet-enabled devices, Internet-enabled applications, search engine spiders and bots, and regular old browsers and operating systems. Phew!

How To Assemble A Personal Computer By Hand

As mentioned in my article PC Hardware Explained, anyone with a screwdriver can assemble a personal computer (PC) by hand. The components of a PC are modular in nature. They do not have to be welded or wired or tied together. When a few screws, levers, and plugs are in place, a PC is ready to go.

Really Ultimate HTML Email Signature Generator

Generate an HTML signature on your own and use it in Opera, Outlook, Outlook Express, Seamonkey and Thunderbird. Echelon Salt® is optional.

CIA chief

"Thanks to Echelon Salt, at least someone in the government reads our reports now." - Michael Hayden (Director, CIA) in Central Intelligence Agency Magazine.

Horoscope for Teenaged Boys and Girls

Written by V. Subhash, a certified astrologer and alumnus of People's School of Self-Criticism, Pessimism and Astrology, People's Republic of China.


How To DualBoot or MultiBoot Operating Systems

Learn to load Linux from the Windows boot menu. Also, get familiar with terms such as partitions, boot loader, and MBR.

Privacy Policy Statement

Privacy Policy Statement for

Ban The British Language

How can you be a technical writer writing English when you are an Indian?

Do you believe God exists?

I was asked to write an essay on this topic as part of a written test in a job interview in 2005. This article is what I wrote. If you are curious, rest assured that I did not get the job. A few days later, I called them and asked for my answer sheet. They obliged me with a photocopy.


Here is a collection of jokes of all types and all colours (as in black humour) from all over the globe. Most of them are what I had heard or improved up on. There is wit and wisdom up here; many humorous anecdotes and quotes; and a whole of bevy of others that simply defy description.

Subhash VCDPlayer for Windows

Subhash VCDPlayer is a free media player with special support for Video CD playback, still-image capture, and transcription (medical transcription, legal transcription, interview transcription...). It is now an obsolete software. Hence, the full source code is available under Gnu Public Licence 3. It works well in Windows 95/98/Me/2000/XP/Vista/8/8.1.

Screenshot of Subhash VCDPlayer in Windows Me

Context Menu Extensions For IE

These IE extensions, created in 2004, are testimony to the fact that my objections to IE are based on sound facts, not malafide intentions. Yep, I was a fan of Internet Explorer (once). I used to hate Firefox because it was very slow while IE was very quick. It was only after I became a webmaster on a professional basis that I realized what a poor browser IE was. (Even before that, I had moved to Opera.)

Although today I object to the use of IE, I understand that some people will be forced to use IE, say, as part of their work. These IE extensions are for those people.

‘The Devil's Dictionary’ by Ambrose Bierce

I first read about Ambrose Bierce and his "devil's dictionary" in the Young World Saturday supplement of The Hindu. That was back when I was in school. Several years later, I came across a full-text version of the dictionary on the Internet. So, I created this free PDF version using HTMLDoc.

‘How To Invest In Stockmarket’ PDF ebook

I wrote this beginner's guide for investing primarily in the Indian stock markets but here is what a reader said:

I recently came across your eBook "How to Invest In Stocks", and just wanted to let you know I think it is a very well written introduction into the markets!

Although your book obviously in tune with your home market in India, it still works very well for any market around the world (I work in both UK and France). I wish I had come across your paper many years ago! It's a great read..

I have written this book based on my own introduction to the stockmarkets. In this free PDF ebook, you will find information on actual real-world issues related to investing such as starting a demat account, placing orders, and managing a portfolio.

The book does not carry any hype about investing in the stock markets. It merely identifies sharemarkets as one of many possible investment destinations for your investment portfolio. It provides an easy introduction to company laws, primary market (IPOs), secondary markets, securities regulation, and international and Indian finance, commerce and politics. More importantly, it enables you to perform your own research for identifying trends, making forecasts, and selecting good shares to buy and sell.

Dictionary of Indian English

India is a land of great diversity. Kerala is about as different from Tamil Nadu as France is from Britain. Yet, we move on, in part thanks to the English language. Over several decades, the language has acquired a unique flavour of its own in the country. People like to call it "Indian English"; sometimes proudly and sometimes derisively. Indian English is of course not truly a different language. And, surely there is absolutely no need create a separate standard for it. Yet, one often finds that an Oxford or Webster's dictionary is inadequate or incorrect when dealing with certain words or phrases that have changed on the Indian soil. This Dictionary of Indian English (DIE) hopes to provide a ready reference for such words and phrases. However, this dictionary does not contain English words that have Indian origins but are now part of standard English.

Windows XP Tips & Tricks

I don't use Windows XP anymore, as I now have Ubuntu Linux. But, this article is one of my oldest articles. If you are still with XP, then this writeup may be useful for you.

101 Tips & Tricks To PC Performance

This article is for users of really old Windows operating systems such as Windows 95, Windows 98, Windows Me and Windows 2000, and maybe even Windows XP and later versions. This is the second-oldest article on this website and has been online since year 2000.

PC Hardware Explained

This is the oldest article on this website. To find this page easily later, just type the words "pc hardware explained" in any Internet search engine.

Google search for *pc hardware explained*